For decades women have struggled with the roles we juggle. We are moms, we are friends, we are co-workers and employees, we are daughters and sisters and we are partners/spouse. Somewhere along the line we were told or more importantly we believed that we needed to be perfect and succeed in all of these roles. Perhaps as it relates to our role of mother our angst to get it "right" goes back to the assertions made by psychiatry at its onset well over a century ago, that all troubles sprouting in a person can be traced back to Mother. If this isn't enough to make us fear every decision we make, we as women have even fallen to the absurdity of the "mommy wars" battling between breast and bottle, staying home or career, PTA or homeschooling, organic or whatever is on sale. In the end, we must admit to our self and each other that ultimately we all want the same things. We want a family with some type of cohesion, we want healthy kids, and we want to be able to enjoy our lives and continue to experience the good of life versus wondering if we are doing enough. Here are five strategies to help quell the anxiety that we might feel trying to be that Super Mom because she doesn't exist and she will be glad to hear that she is off the hook!
1. Decide what is important to you and to your family and use that as your barometer. There are a hundred and ten million different ways to raise a healthy and well adjusted child and run a home, not every way is right for you. Don't stress that your 7 year old isn't taking violin just because the neighbor kid who reads a level above your child is. Your child has mentioned an interest in art and,drawing; sign him/her up for that! Trying to plug your family or child into a square peg to attempt to obtain a possibly unrelated result is not going to make anyone happy.
2. Don't sweat the day to day, beds don't have to be made every day, floors are going to be muddy when it has been raining, and dishes can sit. You know your kids and spouse will be fine with tuna sandwiches and some chips for dinner. Why don't you throw in some raw baby carrots or slice up whatever fruit is in the house and have done with it! Just because dinner isn't gourmet and perfectly, perfect, doesn't mean that it didn't provide for your family.
3. Set limits and boundaries. Don't feel you have to explain why your grade school child gets to bed at 7:30 on a school night to a mother who allows her same aged child to stay up till 10:00. You know your child and you know that they need those hours of sleep. In the same breath, don't judge that family for having a more lax bedtime routine, again, that may work for their household.
4. Build on what you are good at naturally. Maybe you are not the person with nerves of steel to be a field trip chaperone on a bus with 60 loud and enthusiastic kids, but perhaps you are more comfortable collating worksheet handouts for your child's teacher from home. Teachers are immensely grateful for any additional help. Offer what is convenient for you. You will feel good about being involved and glad you didn't volunteer for something you dread!
5. Find like thinking friends/moms and use them as your sounding board. Nothing beats validation. When we are surrounded by people who can empathize, listen and offer healthy and solicited advice we feel that we are not alone in our trials as a mother. Find moms who have similar values, similar goals and seek them out when you feel you need the outlet.
Over all know that you are a work in progress. You have the luxury of learning from mistakes remember life does not come with an instruction manual. Learn to write your own manual making sure those instructions need to involve keeping your expectations realistic.
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