Unplanned pregnancy is not an uncommon problem.
Did you know that one in three girls will become pregnant before turning 20? This is almost always an unplanned pregnancy and it creates stress and trauma in the teens' lives as well as those of their families. Deep emotional feelings of denial, shock, fear, guilt, worry, anger, disappointment, embarrassment, depression, excitement and nervousness are common for both the teen and their family.
Where can a teen turn for help when this happens?
First and foremost: Tell your parents! Even when emotions run hot, they are still your best support! Give them some time to get used to the situation, then listen to them and their advice. They love you and want to help you. Work it out as a family. You're young and the wisdom of parents with more experience in the world will be the best place to start.
After you tell your parents, you may wish to follow, or look into the following three areas to get the outside help you will need during your unplanned pregnancy.
1. Get medical advice. Find a doctor that will best fit your particular needs. Someone who will be honest and forthcoming with options you will need along the way. Take a prenatal vitamin, one your doctor prescribes, and take it regularly. It will boost your energy and give the baby you carry needed nutrients.
Get plenty of rest and eat right. Eating fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains and dairy products with calcium and iron will be most helpful.
Exercise daily to help prevent stress and depression. Your doctor will be a wealth of information on how best to take care of yourself and the baby during your pregnancy.
Don't know which obstetrics (OB) doctor to choose? Your local hospital or your own family doctor can suggest names. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Remember, unplanned pregnancy is not that uncommon. No one will think you're weird.
2. Find an unplanned pregnancy support group through your school, your doctor, or your clergy. There are many ways to get information that will help arm you against worry and fear during your pregnancy.
3. Begin thinking about your options after the baby is born. Will you keep it? Will you look into adoption? I, for one, would hope that you would choose to take the pregnancy to full term and not abort. Abortion has its own set of serious problems that arise long after the baby is taken out. The financial problems that result go far beyond the cost of the procedure, and the emotional and social price you pay are devastating.
Will you marry the father? If you do, ask yourself, "Will he really be a good husband and father," or will his frustrations and the pressure of parenthood turn him into someone you barely recognize? It happens more often than you think.
Will you offer the baby up for adoption? There are thousands of wonderful people out there who are mature, financially secure, and are yearning for a child they can call their own, and nurture to maturity. Additionally, it gives you a chance to still have your youth, plan for a career, and when the time is right, start your family openly and intentionally. Adoption is often the best option for all involved: you, the child, and the new parents.
If you choose this option, be sure you involve a reputable adoption agency that has access to the best adoptive parents, can and will counsel and help you through the process, and will stand by you during birthing and the recovery days afterward.
Also, if you choose to adopt out, don't worry that you "abandoned" your child. Quite the contrary, you will have made a tough decision that gives that child a chance for a full and happy life, one of plenty and peace instead of a life of hardship because of your limited means. That's just as much "love for your child" as any other sacrifice you could make for them.
In the end, do what is best for you and your child, but make sure you really know the likely future for each decision before you settle on one course of action. Remember that you are deciding for two.
Many years ago, a friend of mine had an unplanned pregnancy. Her mother made her marry the father. Looking at the results, it's hard to believe that the mother was right. The young couple were divorced after a year and she had the baby while living at home with her family.
Because of the responsibilities of parenthood while she was too young, a lot of educational and social options were out of her reach. Her life has been a struggle to make money and support her baby. She is living with the natural consequences of the choices she made long ago.
So, what are your goals? What do you want to accomplish in your life? Don't forget that you are important, too, even as you try to make the best decision for the baby. Strive for the win-win situation, and you really can have a happy future!
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